My job use to mean so much to me. I clawed and begged my way to being a Diorshow Makeup Artist. I had wanted it since I was really young. I use to go to Jacobson's when I was 13 or 14 just to watch the Chanel lady work. I thought she was the bees knees. So beautiful, glamorous and intimidating all at the same time. I wanted to be just like her. Fast forward about 10 years and my dream came true. I got in with the most sought after name in beauty and even got to work right next to the Chanel lady! For years I was at their beck and call. I would have done ANYTHING for them. I was even doing events while I was HUGELY pregnant and couldn't fit into the damn French clothes we are supposed to be wearing. Then Athena came and EVERYTHING has changed.
I did an event the other day and it was absolutely pointless for me to be there. I cried all the way there even though Athena was just home with her dad and grandma. Then I was a RAGING a-hole to all I did encounter, sat around talking to another artist, and I left after just a couple of hours. This should be my dream job right now. They barely make me work as it is, I have the BEST boss on the face of the planet, and they pay me STUPIDLY well for what I do. I guess I don't even know what kind of advice I'm looking for. Maybe I just needed to write this all down for therapy's sake.
5 comments:
You like being with your baby more than you like being at your job...just have to find a way to like both. I don't have a baby and I cry on the way to work sometimes...
Nadja,
That is a totally normal reaction, trust me.
Being a mom changes everything, especially your perspective on what is important and what defines your dream job.
A friend and I had this conversation a couple years ago as we were sitting for the bar exam. We both laughed about how, in college, neither of us wanted to have kids - we just wanted to land that dream reporter's job and work, work, work. We agreed that had anyone told us in college that we'd rather be at home with our kids instead of at work we would have told them they were nuts. And now, all we wanted to do was stay at home with the kids.
I was a stay at home mom for almost 4 years and it was the best 4 years. My job now is only 25 hours a week, but there are many, many days when I'd rather be at home with my girls than sitting at my desk. It's part of being a mom -- it's that internal mommy war that rages in your head "should I work? should I stay at home?". And it sucks.
I think there's a happy medium out there somewhere...I just haven't found it yet.
[sorry this was so long!]
Don't let this uncertainty get you down. You have a great job -- it's called Mommy.
- tlc :)
tlc, I seriously remember just a couple years ago thinking "Wow, aren't you a little obsessive." when another artist quit her job because she didn't want to leave her daughter with a sitter. I just don't want to lose Dior if I'm going to be bored at home after she goes to school, but I just don't know what to do now. Suck it up and work my couple of events a year? Probably.
First, I think it is SO cool that you actually accomplished your "dream" job! So many of us have no idea what we want to do or never get the balls to just go for it! Now you have a new dream job with your daughter and almost like a really cool hobbie on the side.
It will all work itself out!
*hobby
I really am a suck-ass speller :)
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