It's not that I feel like I need a dad; I've got one. It's not that I feel like I have any unfinished business or need closure. It's that all of a sudden I became aware of my parents' mortality and I internally bugged out. What if he died without us ever seeing each other again? Would I feel guilty? Would I regret it for the rest of my life that we never made amends? Regardless of his assholeness, he IS biologically responsible for me and I don't want him to die alone. Plus, I don't want that heavy shit bogging me down for the rest of my days.
The ladies are another reason I'd like to find him. I feel like I got ripped off since I never got to know anyone from my dad's side of the family, and here I am doing the same thing to them. I don't want the ladies to feel that way. I don't want them to be irritated some day when they find out they had a "Big Papa" that they never got to meet.
So I started Googling him, and I believe that I may have tracked down his address in Florida. This meeting will happen only if he acts receptive and can abide by my rules. My letter is going to go like this:
Dear Big Papa,
It's been about 5 years since we've talked and out of nowhere I decided that, for the sake of my kids and me, I need to track down your ass. I want you to meet Athena and Zofia, and I would like to open up our line of communication. This will happen if you can do the following:
1. Act like no time has passed. Do not make a big deal out of our lack of communication. Simply act as though we are a normal father and daughter getting together after simply living far away from each other.
2. NO GUILT TRIPPING. You are Grand Wizard of guilt trips and need to control yourself. Shit happened, we didn't talk. The end. No one is going to throw you, or attend, a pity party.
3. Be nice to my mom or I will end you.So, since I sometimes like over sharing personal things on my blog, like hair loss, tumors, and marital interactions, let's add uncomfortable family adventures to the list.
I love you, you blogger besties of mine, and your support means the world to me... probably more than it should.