Therapy yesterday has left my head swimming, but I'm going to try to put a couple thoughts together and keep this journey documented for myself.
We already knew that I have OCD, but the new psychiatrist confirmed it and also threw in a side of PTSD. This would be the reason why I NEVER calm down; why I'm on high alert 24 hours a day. I'm not going to dwell. I'm finished with dwelling. This psychiatrist that I met yesterday really clicked with me and it is just time to begin moving forward. We will put together an action plan in a couple weeks, but she has already given me a few assignments.
1. Delete emails. I have been hoarding child development emails since Athena was born. I've not been able to delete them as I'm afraid that if I do something awful will befall the ladies. There's a tiny rational area of my brain that know that this is typical OCD "Magical Thinking," but I just couldn't make myself do it. She wanted me to go home and get them all deleted. I WILL do it today.
2. Attend family Thanksgiving celebrations. I'm not allowed to duck out of anything with my immediate family for the coming holidays. I must allow my children to see and play with their cousin, GERMS BE DAMNED! Who's got a Xanax?
So here I am. The cliche first day of the rest of my life, right? Let's go delete some emails.