I'd go for a listing appointment and ask for a tour. We'd start in the living room and stuffing would be coming out of their disheveled couch. (OMG! Get some decent furniture in this place!! You're not college students!) Move on to the kitchen and see all the pans on the floor and paint chipping off the cupboards, maybe a couple stickers worked in on the floor and walls (Sigh.) Down the hallway we'd find crayon scribbles on the wall. (Have you heard of discipline and a Magic Eraser?) Then in the bedroom 50 Smurf stickers would be stuck to the closet door. (Heathens. Downright heathens.)
I'm sure you know where I'm going with this.
I'm now the proud owner of a house, a preschooler, and a toddler. Humble pie? I've eaten it. We've been through 3 couches. Our current one looks like this:
Here we can see Zofia ripping the cushion off the couch
AND jamming my digital camera down there. A toddler double whammy.
Next we have the kitchen cupboards. That's a Dora sticker on the drawer
and the chipping paint is from repeated child-proof door break-ins.
I'm SO proud of Athena's penmanship. I just wish it wasn't on the wall.
Aaaaaaaand the closet door. It's like the universe told them specifically to do this.
I've learned to accept that I might get to have nice things again in the future when the kids are teenagers or something... then I remember that my parents had to throw a couch away because my 17 year old brother's dirty head made it smell so bad.
Nice things when we're retired then. Fingers crossed!