Has anyone ever felt like their friendships have a shelf life? I'm afraid that I'm the only one. It feels as though whenever there is some sort of major life changing event, the relationship dies. And since I'm not the type to blab exactly what happened, I frequently look like the a-hole that just dropped this poor person like they're hot without so much as a "Have a nice day."
I feel as though no one tried to make this work, and now I've let it go on too long, and I've let some resentment fester for too long to ever salvage this. Especially now that I feel like I can't even communicate my feelings any longer without getting attitude thrown my way. It's gotten to the point where I almost feel like we need to "break up". What do you say? I wanna see other people? I can't say "let's just be friends." I've asked it before and I'll ask it again... Why aren't there more advice articles on saving friendships as well as saving romantic ones?? Aren't these just as important?
Or is it just that I'm so socially awkward that my comfort zone lies solely with being friends with family members? I don't know... maybe it's me.
10 comments:
I believe that friends are in your life either for life, a reason, or for a season. Think about where you have been with them and where you are now. Did you help eachother grow? Did you bring eachother down? Are they an important role in your life right now?
I too have a similar situation and have come to the conclusion it was a friendship for a reason. Without her and her mom I would not have came to the Lord as fast as I did, nor would I have found such a great church for my family to grow in.
I wish her the best in all she does, but I refuse to feel guilty because we are not what we once were.
And who knows, maybe down the road you will reconnect.
I AM THE QUEEN OF SOCIALLY AWKWARD " FRIENDSHIPS"....ANY ADVISE YOU MIGHT BE SEEKING TO KEEP A FREINDSHIP INTACT AND HEALTHY MIGHT BE ...JUST LET IT DIE..SOMETIMES THE SHELFLIFE OF A FREINDSHIP HAS JUST EXPIRED.....REMEMBER YOU CAN ALWAYS PICK YOUR FREINDS ..BUT FAMILY IS FAMILY....OH WAIT A SECOND!!!!SOME FREINDS MIGHT TURN INTO FAMILY...AND THAT IS TRUELY THE MOST AWKWARD SITUATION...
I have a philosophy similar to Jill Marie. I believe that people come into your life for a reason, whatever that reason may be. Some are for good, some are for bad, but all friendships can teach you something. Perhaps this particular friendship you are talking about was meant for you for a certain period of time, and that period of time is close to ending. We are given so much time on this planet, but yet the time given doesn't seem long enough. Whatever the reason, I believe this person was in your life for some reason. If the friendship means that much to you and the other person, then both of you should try to salvage it. But if you are the only one making the effort, then the time has come (the Walrus said).
I wish you the best of luck though; relationships with people are so hard to grasp mentally, so I can only imagine what you think of this situation. I hope all goes well.
I agree with the above comments and you are not alone!
I have had many friendships that have come and gone. Some just grew apart and some were forced apart. It can be sad to think of the times you have had but the worst thing in any friendship (or relationship) is trying to hold on to something that just isn't there anymore and just not the same.
I feel like a bitch sometimes, but I have really weeded out friendships the older I get that just are not positive and in MY best interest. The ones that bring you down or make you feel like you are trapped in the past or that are not equal in regards to the effort we each put into the relationship.
I agree that those people were put there for a reason, but that doesn't mean that they need to be there forever. I don't in the least think friends are just disposable...I love my friends with all my heart and would do anything for them, I just think that friendships can change over time and if that friendship is having a negative impact on either of you then you really need to re-evaluate and move on.
And yes, good luck. It is never easy to go through this stuff.
I totally agree with Jill Marie. I had friends in college that SEEMED like they would be lifelong friendships, but ultimately, they were just for that season. They fizzled--in part because I think when a couple of them got married that became it for them and friendships were kind of tossed aside. Then, when they tried to reconnect later on, I was like, not so much. I've moved on.
I think you can just let it fizzle out by not calling said friend, or you can just call her up and hash it, state your peace and let the chips fall.
They say that guys don't really make new friends after college, they just slowly lose the ones that they already have. Things happen, people move, you have a kid, and sometimes you only get to talk to them once a year...it's not losing a friend, it's just, that now, that is the friendship. I always ask myself If I had one week to live, what would I say to that person, and then, why am I waiting? On a lighter note, I am teaming with Hallmark to make friend cards that say "last night, you were fucked up, and made an ass out of yourself," and "get over it, I was drunk," and "one of us needs to apologize to the other, and since you're slow, I will give you the hint that it's YOU!"
it's true...some friendships have a set shelf life. i was very close to several people in law school, and haven't spoken to them since the day we graduated. 9 years ago. same with college.
and then there are the tried and true friends - the women i've been friends with since i was 5 years old.
and then there are the friends who i haven't seen or spoken to in years, but we still keep in touch. not regularly...but it's still there.
and then there are my blogger friends...most of you i've never met, but you're still "friends" in a way. does that make sense?
i think if a friendship has gone bad, it's time to let it go. no sense dwelling on what might have been.
Thank you guys so much. I appreciate all the help. This is all the stuff I needed to hear.
Okay, I'm a little late on the comments, but...
I'm going through this right now with someone that I've been friends with since grade school. Her "friendship" serves no purpose in my life anymore, except for giving me grief. I've realized that if I would've just met her at this stage in my life, she is someone that would annoy me and not someone that I would have any desire to befriend. In other words, we're coasting along on our history. But how do I "break up" with her? Should I tell her, "Look, you annoy the shit out of me and you do everything for show? Why can't you be real and quit trying your hardest to make it look like everything is perfect in your life? Because I know damn well it's not, and if we could be honest with each other about that, I'd have a lot more respect for you." Phew. I feel better. If only I could say all that to her.
Another thing I've realized about myself is that I discount a lot of my friends for not being "all-around" type friends. I have expected them to individually fulfill every aspect of friendship for me. That is a lot to ask of an individual. It is so much more fulfilling to have different friends for different purposes. One gal might not be the best person to discuss my marriage and parenthood with, but she's great for when I want to go shopping or get a drink. Another might be great for giving priceless advice, but we're never going share similar interests in music, movies, etc. I like to think that my friends each serve a purpose in my life and, if they don't, then what are they doing there?
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