So for a while this has been a tough subject for Louis and me, and in order to use physical punishment I think BOTH parents MUST be on board. I don't agree with physical punishment in any form on a child, and in fact, I told him that if he ever DID strike Athena I will whoop on him like Ike did Tina... no joke. I feel that it sends VERY mixed messages. Louis on the other hand, feels that a good spanking can really get your point across.
I think I FINALLY won this argument with the following points:
1. Biblical standpoint: "Spare the rod spoil the child." OK, we all know that not EVERYTHING that God said must be taken literally. It's like people thinking that they're REALLY eating Christ when they take communion. I'm sure he's up in Heaven, rolling his eyes like "Come on you guys... haven't you ever heard of a metaphor?" Sparing the rod would be NO discipline whatsoever and just letting them run around like crazy people, not that you have to crack your kid with something. (My dad says "I was hit with paddles!) Yes, yes he was and he's 3 kinds of crazy.
2. We were at the zoo when a little girl smacked another. The dad came up, smacked her, and said "We don't hit!" HOW IS A LITTLE KID SUPPOSED TO WRAP THEIR HEAD AROUND THAT! YOU JUST HIT HER AND SAID WE DON'T HIT YOU IDIOT! (That one REALLY landed with Louis in its absurdity.
3. I was on www.wikihow.com
They're not even against spanking and they STILL think most people are handling it wrong.
Psychologists say (and they do know better than most people) Do not hit your child with implements or objects. Using belts, switches, spoons, paddles or worse on your child will never build the kind of respect and love that a properly administered spanking will. Only use your open hand on the child's clothed bottom. (We disagree on this)
Learn which behaviors deserve a spanking: This includes lying and open disobedience. You must be fair with children. Spilling things, nose-picking, bed-wetting, arguing, even stealing are normal childhood behaviors that, while they may require action on the part of the parent to help a child mature, they are not spanking offenses. You must let toddlers, children, teens and young adults make mistakes and have normal childhood behavior that is age appropriate without making them miserable about it. (We disagree about this too)
I know this is more like a report than a blog post, but I'd love feedback.
5 comments:
You forgot one radio button for your voting:
I was spanked often for small things that definitely would be considered "normal childhood behavior". If a belt or stainless steel ladle just wasn't gonna be good enough, sometimes it was with willow tree branches I had to pick off the tree myself - and they had better be whip-like). And now I have a lot of emotional baggage as an adult. So, I'm going to go ahead and subconsciously get revenge and do the same thing to my kid(s).
While I'm not a parent, I think that it all depends on the child.
For example, my sister has a daughter who has NEVER required a spanking. Ever. She's never been that kind of child. She's 9.
Then, my sister has a son. Who literally required that type of correction.
From what I've seen, it depends on child.
I have, however, also experienced family members who attempted "time out" over and over and over again and it didn't work. In reality, a bit more serious type of correction would probably be useful. (I like time-outs. Don't get me wrong.)
That said, I cannot imagine anyone ever needing to spank Athena.
AND, I think many parents hit their children out of anger, and that's never a good thing. Kids aren't punching bags.
AND, no one should spank their children just because THEY were spanked. That's just ignorant.
I was never spanked as a child, but I do enforce that in my house.
I do agree with TP though that it really depends on the child.
And I also believe that it really is up to the household and not what your church says, the papers, or any psychologist for the matter.
I would never SPANK my child out of anger. When we give spankings it is usually after they have been worned more than once and after a time out has no effect.
Pretty much it is the last resort, but a very effiectent one.
WE NEVER USE OUR HAND. I believe that our hands are to be loving. So the child sees the paddle as the object of punishment and not our hands that cuddle them and hug them.
Again, I feel that as a parent you should know your child enough to deside what will be effective and what will not.
I don't think any one can really say what is right or wrong, just what is right for you.
I say spanking is fine as long as it is for continued bad behavior of the same nature. Like swearing once, timeout, twice, timeout, third time, spanking. I think if I knew all I was going to get for being bad was a timeout or time alone in my room, I would not care about being good... I was spanked with hands and rubber spatula, pretty normal, I think, I deserved every one of them, and after I cried, I didn't do it again...or at least until I had forgotten what the spanking felt like. I never had a bruise from it, but plenty of red marks.
I think it's a case by case thing, and a very personal decision. I don't judge anyone for spanking their child, I don't judge anyone for not spanking their child. Sometimes, a timeout does not get the message across. I saw a parent tell their kid not to run in the street, and the kid more or less said "screw you" and ran in the street while a car was coming. I don't think a timeout would've gotten the message across in this situation.
I hope I never have to spank Rhys, but since my mom cursed me with having a child as bad as I was, I am anticipating the day where Rhys seriously misbehaves. One thing I've told myself is that, if I do think his behavior warrants a spanking, I will talk to him about it, wait a few minutes for me to cool off, and then administer the punishment. I don't ever want to spank out of anger, and I want him to have complete understanding of why he's being punished. And to know that he is loved.
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