Saturday, June 27, 2009

Wow. I don't remember the last time I went this long without blogging. Oh yeah. The last time I was feeling mentally discombobulated.

Anywho, I thought this was interesting. I think you can tell A LOT about a person by how they treat waitstaff. If you're rude to a waiter/waitress (or treat ANY serivce person like they are beneath you) I can guarantee we will never be friends.


Photo: Clipart.com


13 Things Your Waiter Won't Tell You

1. Avoid eating out on holidays and Saturday nights. The sheer volume of customers guarantees that most kitchens will be pushed beyond their ability to produce a high-quality dish. (Luckily Louis and I usually get out about the same time only as the elderly.)

2. There are almost never any sick days in the restaurant business. A busboy with a kid to support isn't going to stay home and miss out on $100 because he's got strep throat. And these are the people handling your food. (This TERRIFIES me.)

3. When customers' dissatisfaction devolves into personal attacks, adulterating food or drink is a convenient way for servers to exact covert vengeance. Some waiters can and do spit in people's food.

4. Never say "I'm friends with the owner." Restaurant owners don't have friends. This marks you as a clueless poseur the moment you walk in the door. (OK, I don't buy this. I wouldn't name drop for any reason, but I HAVE known the owner of HJ's very well for 15 years.)

5. Treat others as you want to be treated. (Yes, people need to be reminded of this.)

6. Don't snap your fingers to get our attention. Remember, we have shears that cut through bone in the kitchen. (Oh, barf. Seriously, if I saw someone do this I would GUN my roll at them.)

7. Don't order meals that aren't on the menu. You're forcing the chef to cook something he doesn't make on a regular basis. If he makes the same entrée 10,000 times a month, the odds are good that the dish will be a home run every time.

8. Splitting entrées is okay, but don't ask for water, lemon, and sugar so you can make your own lemonade. What's next, grapes so you can press your own wine?

9. If you find a waiter you like, always ask to be seated in his or her section. Tell all your friends so they'll start asking for that server as well. You've just made that waiter look indispensable to the owner. The server will be grateful and take good care of you.

10. If you can't afford to leave a tip, you can't afford to eat in the restaurant. Servers could be giving 20 to 40 percent to the busboys, bartenders, maître d', or hostess.

11. Always examine the check. Sometimes large parties are unaware that a gratuity has been added to the bill, so they tip on top of it. Waiters "facilitate" this error. It's dishonest, it's wrong-and I did it all the time.

12. If you want to hang out, that's fine. But increase the tip to make up for money the server would have made if he or she had had another seating at that table.

13. Never, ever come in 15 minutes before closing time. The cooks are tired and will cook your dinner right away. So while you're chitchatting over salads, your entrées will be languishing under the heat lamp while the dishwasher is spraying industrial-strength, carcinogenic cleaning solvents in their immediate vicinity. (When people use to come in AT CLOSING I wanted to cry. Literally. I wanted to go home.)

3y
From Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip-Confessions of a Cynical Waiter by The Waiter (Ecco/HarperCollins)


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4 comments:

Sad Panda said...

Granted, I work in the fast food industry. But I agree with a lot of these.

Number 3, for example. I will never ever understand why people choose to be snobby, mean, and rude to waiters. It is simple: Do. Not. Piss off the people that handle your food.

My boyfriend worked as a waiter and he has told me each one of these suggestions at least once. So they are true.

A. said...

I had to send this to my husband, who was a server at Friday's for years. I'm betting most of these are true!

I'm happy to say I never worked at a restaurant - 'cause if anyone ever snapped their fingers at me, I would have killed them.

No. 4 cracks me up. B.'s friend co-owns Mulvaney's Bunker (for real) and people claim to be his friend all the time. I can't remember if it was Matt or Wes (the owners), but someone actually told one of them that they were friends with the owners, not realizing they were talking to the owner. Duh.

the grumbles said...

Dude, when I waitressed and Jon was a restaurant manager I have still NEVER seen someone do a #3. I think it is an urban legend. But you should still be nice to people that handle your food- being a jerk will guarantee you the oldest, weirdest looking piece of whatever it was your ordered from the back of the freeze that they have.

wrestling kitties said...

Oh, I can not STAND people who are rude to waiters or people in the service industry.

I agree Grumbles, i was a waitress/bartender/caterer for most of college and I never saw the spit in food thing, but still I wouldn't push the issue. I don't even like sending my food back if something is wrong because I don't want to piss anyone off!