do you guys miss me?

Are you in a panic thinking "zomg what am I going to put in my crock pot this week?" and "what in the world are Zofia and Athena doing right now?"

I know, I know. I'd be doing the same thing. I've been embarrassed to say but we've hurt another laptop. This time it was by Athena's hand. How can you get mad at your kid for frying a keyboard with water when you drowned a motherboard with coffee? It's in very capable hands and hopefully it will be home soon. For now I can only type out little messages on my phone. I won't be showing you what the screen of THAT looks like.

What? You act like I haven't blogged in 3 weeks.

OK, you're right. I haven't. I'll address that, but first I just wanted to do a light, ice-breaker post. So here's Athena's and my favorite video of the moment. Watch it, don't watch it. Whatever. Honey badger don't care...

What have I been doing for these last couple months with no computer?

I've been spending time with these lovely ladies of course!

Athena

Zofia

Let me tell you, having two ladies has been wonderful. I'm almost embarrassed by how scared I was to have a second baby. This. This is what I'm here for. I don't have a super important career. I'm not a super important member of society. I'm just super important to two young ladies.

And they have captured me completely.

Louis and I have been spending every single day with our girls. We've been going to parks, the zoo, the pumpkin patch, and just being at home together as a foursome. I rock my sweet Zofia to sleep every night. Tell me I'm spoiling her. I don't care. Someday I'll miss this time. I'll miss her softly nursing to sleep, one hand clutching my shirt and the other wrapped around my side. And someday I'll miss being the single most important person in Athena's world. I'll miss her drifting off to sleep with her little arms wrapped tightly around my neck.

That's it. I am enamored. My only purpose is to love these ladies more than anyone has ever loved in the history of the world.

Wow. I don't remember the last time I went this long without blogging. Oh yeah. The last time I was feeling mentally discombobulated.

Anywho, I thought this was interesting. I think you can tell A LOT about a person by how they treat waitstaff. If you're rude to a waiter/waitress (or treat ANY serivce person like they are beneath you) I can guarantee we will never be friends.

Photo: Clipart.com

13 Things Your Waiter Won't Tell You

1. Avoid eating out on holidays and Saturday nights. The sheer volume of customers guarantees that most kitchens will be pushed beyond their ability to produce a high-quality dish. (Luckily Louis and I usually get out about the same time only as the elderly.)

2. There are almost never any sick days in the restaurant business. A busboy with a kid to support isn't going to stay home and miss out on $100 because he's got strep throat. And these are the people handling your food. (This TERRIFIES me.)

3. When customers' dissatisfaction devolves into personal attacks, adulterating food or drink is a convenient way for servers to exact covert vengeance. Some waiters can and do spit in people's food.

4. Never say "I'm friends with the owner." Restaurant owners don't have friends. This marks you as a clueless poseur the moment you walk in the door. (OK, I don't buy this. I wouldn't name drop for any reason, but I HAVE known the owner of HJ's very well for 15 years.)

5. Treat others as you want to be treated. (Yes, people need to be reminded of this.)

6. Don't snap your fingers to get our attention. Remember, we have shears that cut through bone in the kitchen. (Oh, barf. Seriously, if I saw someone do this I would GUN my roll at them.)

7. Don't order meals that aren't on the menu. You're forcing the chef to cook something he doesn't make on a regular basis. If he makes the same entrée 10,000 times a month, the odds are good that the dish will be a home run every time.

8. Splitting entrées is okay, but don't ask for water, lemon, and sugar so you can make your own lemonade. What's next, grapes so you can press your own wine?

9. If you find a waiter you like, always ask to be seated in his or her section. Tell all your friends so they'll start asking for that server as well. You've just made that waiter look indispensable to the owner. The server will be grateful and take good care of you.

10. If you can't afford to leave a tip, you can't afford to eat in the restaurant. Servers could be giving 20 to 40 percent to the busboys, bartenders, maître d', or hostess.

11. Always examine the check. Sometimes large parties are unaware that a gratuity has been added to the bill, so they tip on top of it. Waiters "facilitate" this error. It's dishonest, it's wrong-and I did it all the time.

12. If you want to hang out, that's fine. But increase the tip to make up for money the server would have made if he or she had had another seating at that table.

13. Never, ever come in 15 minutes before closing time. The cooks are tired and will cook your dinner right away. So while you're chitchatting over salads, your entrées will be languishing under the heat lamp while the dishwasher is spraying industrial-strength, carcinogenic cleaning solvents in their immediate vicinity. (When people use to come in AT CLOSING I wanted to cry. Literally. I wanted to go home.)

3y

From Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip-Confessions of a Cynical Waiter by The Waiter (Ecco/HarperCollins)

More Must-Reads from Reader's Digest:

13 Things Your Pizza Guy Won't Tell You

13 Things Your Dry Cleaner Won't Tell You

13 Things Your Grocer Won't Tell You

MY POOR BABY...

...Is so sick. This is her first case of a stomach bug. Blogging and Tweeting and emailing to continue when she feels better.

Wow, I've really been slacking here.

I've been so obsessed with looking for things online for Ms. Bee's upcoming birthday party, I can't believe how long it's been since I've last blogged! I've NEVER gone this long before.

Also hindering my blogging ability is the fact that she thinks solo naps are for losers and she is full-on walking all over the house - determined to hurt herself BADLY.

I miss reading up on everyone and forcing you all to know everything about the Bee and me!

(It would be easier if STUPID Twitter would let me send messages via text from my phone! WTF??????)