Thursday, November 11, 2010

I use to have a BFF

Once upon a time I had a BFF and it was awesome. I miss having girl talks, going shopping, and drinking fruity drinks out of pretty glasses.

I had a girlfriend that I could talk to about anything and everything. She knew just about everything about me and she STILL liked me.

 We worked together, we talked on the phone every day, and she was even BFF's with my husband. How great is that? She got me through one of the hardest years of my life. People envied our relationship. They talked about how we were the type of friends that were going to grow old and be funny old ladies together.

Then I got pregnant.

I've always had Obsessive Compulsive disorder, this is nothing new, but something in the hormonal changes of pregnancy took it to a whole new level. I was so terrified of leaving my room and having ANYONE see how bad my OCD really was, I shut her out. I stopped returning calls. I stopped accepting invitations. I stopped being her friend. An irrational part of me held against her that she didn't try harder; angry that she didn't see something was wrong. Wouldn't she know that I would never stop being her friend unless something was going on?

Is this inevitable? Do all friends with different lifestyles eventually grow apart? That idea makes me sad.


SassyTimes said...

I think it happens a lot, but not all the time.

My BFF and I have completely different lifestyles. I'm married and a SAHM to 2 little girls. I never go out and enjoy reading and getting crafty. She's single, no kids, loves shopping and going out. Somehow, through it all, we've been friends for 13 years. We make it work because we mean a lot to each other. We are always there for one another, make a point to call each other a few times a week and she goes out of her way to come visit my girls and get to know them. I also make it a point, even though I'm dead tired, to go out with her for a drink every once in a while. Friendship, just like marriage, takes hard work. Especially when lifestyles are completely different. But, if you have a great friend, all the hard work is worth it. She's like a sister to me.

I'm sorry you lost your BFF. I had a friend like that too....who just gave up. ...and mine gave up when I needed her the most; when my parents were separating and my Dad was in the hospital. She just didn't care. That said a lot to me about the kind of friendship we had. Apparently, she didn't care about me as much as I cared about her. It was very much a one way friendship, but I didn't see that until we were no longer friends.


the grumbles said...

unfortunately in my experience it IS inevitable. i've had some awesome friendships that i really really thought were going to last the test of time and then something happens and BAM, we drift apart. i want to tell you a different answer, but i've come to terms with the fact that friendships just aren't permanent. like ms sassy says, they take a lot of work. sometimes one or both parties aren't willing to put in that work. it just happens.

Trophy Life said...

"friends for a reason, friends for a season and friends for a lifetime" - that's my motto. we can NEVER predict which type of friend someone will become. there are friends i would never imagine living without and then, poof, they are not part of my life. however, there are also friends that i never would have thought would still be in my life today in SOME form or another. i say, let the friendship run its course and do its unpredictable thing. i've also had friendships COME back to me that i never thought would come back. it's all very beautiful if you think about it.

freckleface said...

I have always moved around a lot so I have had many BFF's. I am friends with all of them on Facebook but I would say that we were more acquaintances now. I have a handful of women that I would call TRUE friends. My husband is my BFF now.

Now on to the OCD thing. I completely understand! I am here if you ever want to talk. We can be weirdos together ;)

Anonymous said...

hey nadja! That really sucks. At lest now you got ur beutifull daughter 2 b ur bff now. I kno we havnt hung out sinc back in the day but I remember how fun you wer and how much I liked hangn around you back then. It wuz great 2 c you wen I wuz down workin on bitchells house. I know havn a guy frnd is hard wen ur married but I would still hang out with ya. Maybe when my gf michelle gets home( she's out of town 4 2 weeks) you and ur husb can come hang out. I keep my boats at lost penninsula which is rite around the corner from ur house and we have cookouts and go tubin and kneeboardn and have alot fun so you need 2 come out there in the summer. It would b nice 2 c you more nadja and I'll always b ur frnd!........joey

Written Permission said...

I definitely think all friendships have a lifespan. But, like Trophy Life said, they're all different. Some might not be able to stand the test of lifestyle changes, and others may laugh at the changes and keep on truckin'.

I had one best friend from the time I was 5 through part of college. Same deal as you: People told us, a LOT: "When we think of best friends, we think of you two!" We both assumed it was a lifelong friendship. But we grew apart. Our lives are totally different. I'll always love her, but it'll never be that way again.

I don't have kids yet, but most of my close friends do, and while it has changed how MUCH we hang out, it hasn't changed the foundation of our friendships. But yeah -- it does take work. And lots of e-mail and phone calls.

My BFF and I actually have very little in common, lifestyle-wise. But she and my other group of true gals all have one thing in common: No matter how long it's been since I've seen or talked to them (even if it's been six months or longer), we're always excited to see each other and we want to know what's happening in each others' lives.

And, like TL said: You never know when those friendships will come back around. Maybe there's hope for you and your BFF. :)