I think that's what I shall name my hair loss drama.
And what better way to follow up my tumor post than with the update about my hair. Seriously, these head problems are getting ridiculous. OCD in the brain, vascular tumor on the forehead, hair falling out of the crown. It's an Awesome Head Trifecta.
I really wasn't optimistic going into the doctor's appointment. I just knew the loss was too drastic to be merely postpartum hair loss. But having the doctor look at my hair and say, "Oh, this is worse than I was expecting" was still a punch to the gut. He diagnosed me with Female Pattern Hair Loss and prescribed a topical treatment called Minoxidil. The catch? The pharmacist told me that it was completely compatible with breastfeeding, but not recommended. Cool. I'm glad THAT'S clear. She told me that she thinks I should only use it if it is completely necessary. So is my appearance THAT important to me? I'd feel like an asshole using it just to make myself look better while Zofia is still enjoying the milks.
Heavy sigh. So I wait.
I was taking it surprisingly well. I joined a network of women online dealing with hair loss, and was shallowly feeling better connecting with pretty women dealing with this (because I thought this only happened to ugly people? Really, Nadja?).
Then I started really thinking. I started picturing myself laying in bed with my husband and having to wear a scarf on my head. Would he be disgusted?
I pictured the ladies' peers finding out that I wore a wig. Would they get teased?
I lost it.
I need to keep my perspective. If this is the worst thing that ever happens to me I should count myself lucky, right?