My Diagnosis. Also? I think I have a mustache.

Had you told the girl in this picture that in ten years' time she'd be sitting in the bathroom putting Rogaine on her head with hair remover on her lip and an estrogen patch on her butt, I'd wager she'd keel over. Either that or punch you. Probably punch you. I use to be really bitchy. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that at the age of 32 I'd be dealing with the body of a 55 year old. The official diagnosis is estrogen deficiency. My body thinks it's in menopause. I've lost at least 50% of my hair, my ovaries have shut down, and for the past 6 years I've honestly thought I was losing my mind. The anxiety, depression, memory loss, COMPLETE emotional instability: ALL symptoms of estrogen deficiency. How did it take so long to figure out? Well, since I've been pregnant or breastfeeding since 2006, it was kind of hard to tell what was what. Certifiable problem or hormonal pregnant girl? Your guess. It wasn't until my body really started shutting down and I really started getting scared that I actually had dementia did I get full bloodwork. What's next? For the time being while we wait for Zofia to wean I'm on an estrogen patch. I shed my tears about the hormone replacement therapy drying up my milk and bringing an end to this stage of Zofia's life, but if left untreated, estrogen deficiency leads to osteoporosis, stroke, and heart disease. As my mom pointed out, Zofia would rather drink out of a cup than have me die of heart disease. Touche, mom. I'm not going to cut her off cold turkey though, so they aren't going to test for the cause of this deficiency just yet, such as tumors, as breastfeeding would skew the findings in lab work. (For now I'm going to pretend like there's never been any mention of tumors as I MIGHT FREAK THE FREAK OUT!!!!!!)

So, that's where I am. Estrogen patch firmly on my butt and a lot of fixing and healing to do. The toll that it has taken on my body, marriage, kids, career, and relationships is hard to put into words. The task of rebuilding everything makes me feel like an asthmatic acrophobic about to scale Mt. Everest. Impossible. I'm scared y'all. Real scared.

If you're the praying type, send me a prayer. If you're the hugging type, send me one of those. If you're the forgiving type, well thank the Good Lord for you.

Shall I get all T.M.I. up in hurrr?? Lady Parts? Yes, lady parts.

Sure. Why not. I like telling overly personal things to people rendering them speechless. It's my thing.

"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here are my boobies. With a toddler on them. Call me maybe? We'll go see Twilight together or something.... hey! Where are you going?"

My version of the song is funnier and better.

Anywho, let's catch up on my hair loss and lady parts. It's still coming out like whoa and my lady parts are on the fritz. Zofia is 2 1/2 years old and I still haven't gotten my menstrual cycle back yet. I hadn't really given it much thought until I realized, "Hey. I haven't had a period since September of 2009. That can't be normal." So I contacted my lactation consultant extraordinaire and just as I suspected, it's not the norm. This urged me to call my regular doctor and give him the deets:

No Period.
Hot flashes
Itchy skin
Lady parts on the fritz
Libido hovering around -10 on the sexy scale
RAGE

See where I'm going with this? Menopause. At 32. Turns out that's exactly the age that it started for my grandma. Sooooooo..... back to the lab for more tests.

I'll throw a lady parts party if I finally get some answers. Here's my uterus:

angry uterus is angry

by ~shhscribbles

©2008-2012 ~shhscribbles

"I Spilled Rogaine On My Face!" - And other tales of woe.

I spilled Rogaine on my face. I can't say it was one of my finer moments. I sat there staring at myself in the mirror watching it run down my face like "Really? Really? I'm a Rogain user?" I was temporarily worried about growing a uni-brow until I realized that if I DID in fact grow one it would mean Rogaine works for me so... come on uni-brow? *sigh*

Speaking of Rogaine usage, more hair has come out lately. Worse before it gets better? It's hard on the psyche, man. I pray this works.

Something is bothering me and I can't figure out what it is. Usually I know the reason for my emo feelings- barf, germs, anxiety, but I am a Krab with a capital K. What gives? Holidays centered around food are great!

I'm tired of wiping my dog's poopy ass every time she goes outside.

Louis won't let me have this house with the round room overlooking the river.

I have no one to see Breaking Dawn 2 with and even if I did I probably wouldn't go anyway because I'm weird and reclusive.

I ordered the wrong yoga pants from Old Navy

I'm completely over NaBloPoMo Maybe because I don't know what to say.

My couch is gross. When do I get to have nice things?

I'm making this face >:/

"The time has come!" The Walrus said...

...to talk of hairs and things.

I'm here.
It finally happened.
There's no more covering, there's no more ignoring, and after extensive research about topical treatments effecting breastfeeding via my precious resource, LactMed, I'm ready to give Rogaine a try.

Let's do this. I'll report back in a few weeks.

How does a balding girl do her hair?

Like so...

As you know I haz hair issues. The amount that is still falling out is enough to make me cry some days. I've tried extensions and wigs and they really do make me look like my old self again, but I just don't want to have to wear them every day. This weekend I managed to make my hair look normal, cover the thin spot, and feel confident enough to leave the house with my hair down.

Enter: Mark and Avon Hair Care

The wave defining gel and hairspray worked SO well.

I think the root lifting treatment was the real key though. I had so much volume in my pathetic little hair!

(My hair is usually so thin in back I have to cover my scalp with a bun.)

Specially formulated with unique styling and holding properties to build fuller body and added thickness. 

Adds brilliant lift and texture where you need it most. 5 fl. oz. $4.99

I'm a cheap-o when it comes to products so I'm happy to find something that works AND is a good price point. This bald gal gives 'em two thumbs up.

Come talk to me, my girlfriends. I NEED you!

My hair loss situation has gotten a bit worse. The top? She's pretty bad. So bad, in fact, that the wonderful extensions that I thought were the answer can no longer be used.

(Insert huge sad face and sad trombone wompwomp here.)

SO! Onto some new planning. Serious question: Have you ever seen someone with a pony tail or updo extension that actually looked GOOD? Is this possible? Dare I dream? Celebrities use them at times, don't they? Let's peruse some pictures via Google:

Jessica Simspon HairDo

Color my hair perfectly to match maybe?


Or what about a hair headband??

Am I trusting Jessica too much?


I wore my hair in an updo for 15 years. I miss it.

Look like the old me again??

What do you think? Wishful thinking or possibilities?

"You cry when you have a baby, not when you get hair extensions."

Or so says my hair stylist Jennifer.

But I'm gonna be honest with you... when she turned me around and I saw my old self looking back at me from the mirror, I bawled. This hair loss drama has hit me hard. I had completely stopped caring about my appearance. I didn't care what I was wearing and I didn't even do my makeup anymore (anyone that knows me knows that is ALARMING!). My self esteem was in the toilet. Who knew hair could be so important?

Here they are! My Klix Extensions.

Even after the consultation and all the way up to getting the extensions in, I didn't believe that it was going to work. You can see right on my face how doubtful I was.

Here I am seeing it for the first time. That look you see is silent awe.

Look at my long flowing locks! I was so scared to wash them and style my hair myself, but it was nothin'.

I've got a ponytail again! .

You can get a handmade headband like mine here

I feel like I'm physically carrying myself differently, or maybe I'm just back to me again. I don't know if I can ever put my gratitude into words. She saved my self esteem.

And she's not fooling anyone. She totally had tears in her eyes too.


So run, ye masses of women, run straight to Jennifer! Throw yourselves and your money at her so she can make you as happy as she made me.



Hold me... but don't look at my hair

This whole thinning hair thing has really done a number on my self esteem. NO ONE but my doctor has seen my hair down in 4 years, so letting my stylist Jennifer see it had me about ready to pass out. (After it started thinning I was too embarrassed to let her see it, so I've just been chopping it myself with kitchen scissors and avoiding her.)

A couple days ago she sent out an email from her salon saying that she is starting to do Klix Hair Extensions and was running a deal. Could this be a non-chemical answer for me? I doubted it, but I emailed her anyway. Even though I've been avoiding her like the plague for years, she immediately got back to me and wanted to see if she could help. Could I come in for a consultation and let her see? ZOMG! LET HER SEE?? Surely she jests.

I asked my mom. Should I go? "YES!" she says. That lady is crazy, so I took to Twitter. Twitter besties, should I go? They too said "YES!"

So I went to my hair consultation with Jennifer at Pello Salon and Spa. She said my hair wasn't as bad as she was expecting (clearly she had been drinking) and put a trial extension clip on the side.
It looked awesome.
She said it would work.
I put down my deposit.
I'm getting a full head of extensions on Saturday.

Is this really going to happen? Is this really going to work? Isn't my hair just WAY too thin in the back to support extensions?

We shall see...

As the Hair Falls

I think that's what I shall name my hair loss drama.

And what better way to follow up my tumor post than with the update about my hair. Seriously, these head problems are getting ridiculous. OCD in the brain, vascular tumor on the forehead, hair falling out of the crown. It's an Awesome Head Trifecta.

I really wasn't optimistic going into the doctor's appointment. I just knew the loss was too drastic to be merely postpartum hair loss. But having the doctor look at my hair and say, "Oh, this is worse than I was expecting" was still a punch to the gut. He diagnosed me with Female Pattern Hair Loss and prescribed a topical treatment called Minoxidil. The catch? The pharmacist told me that it was completely compatible with breastfeeding, but not recommended. Cool. I'm glad THAT'S clear. She told me that she thinks I should only use it if it is completely necessary. So is my appearance THAT important to me? I'd feel like an asshole using it just to make myself look better while Zofia is still enjoying the milks.

Heavy sigh. So I wait.

I was taking it surprisingly well. I joined a network of women online dealing with hair loss, and was shallowly feeling better connecting with pretty women dealing with this (because I thought this only happened to ugly people? Really, Nadja?).

Then I started really thinking. I started picturing myself laying in bed with my husband and having to wear a scarf on my head. Would he be disgusted?

I pictured the ladies' peers finding out that I wore a wig. Would they get teased?

I lost it.

I need to keep my perspective. If this is the worst thing that ever happens to me I should count myself lucky, right?

My vanity shames me...

Did you know that hair loss affects 21 million women in the United States alone? Probably not. Hair loss was never on my radar. I'm a girl and I'm only 30. Why would it be?

Well, I'm losing my hair.

I haven't admitted it to anyone out of complete and total embarrassment, but there's no denying it anymore. It's gone from being irritatingly thin to me having an actual bald spot. I've hid it, I've cried, but now I've gotta find out what is wrong with me.

My hair started coming out at an alarming rate when Athena was about 3 months old. I started to get nervous then, but my OB/GYN assured me that postpartum hair loss is totally normal. A few months later it did, in fact, stop falling out. I was so relieved. However, many months went by and it never came back. I went from having very thick, curly hair to very thin sorta wavy hair. This was strange and unnerving, but since I was still breastfeeding, the doctors figured it was hormonal and would rectify itself when I weaned. Well, Athena didn't wean until I was well into my next pregnancy, and after Zofia was born I braced myself for the next "fall-out."

And fall out, it did.

A couple months ago it started all over again. My scalp is a disaster area and my hair is coming out in clumps again, except this time I don't have any hair to spare. It is so severe I must either wear my hair up or wear a hair piece.

I can't help it. I'm devastated. I've been reading other young women's stories and that helps, so I hope that maybe if I share mine I can help someone too. 

Maybe there's something else going on besides just postpartum shedding, maybe not, but I need to know now.  I'm going to my doctor in a couple weeks so see if it is hormonal, a vitamin deficiency, or maybe a thyroid problem. I just hope so much that it's treatable.