Mmmmm.... my foot tastes scrumptious.

While cleaning out our linen closet, not only did I find plenty of drugs that expired during the Clinton administration, I also stumbled upon my brush belt from my days as a makeup artist. It got me all reminiscent of the time where I actually left the house, talked to adults, and wore makeup and fancy clothes. A time where I was "Nadja" instead of just "mommy."

Speaking of being Nadja...

You'd think that someone with a name so similar to the word "nauseous" would be extra sensitive to others with, ahem, different names. As I was looking through my old work stuff I thought of the time that I had to ring a transaction for a fellow makeup artist. She was making a purchase for her mother and needed me to look up her mother's credit account.

Her: "I'll just spell her name for you and you type it in."
Me: "Okilly dokilly."
Her: "D-O-N-G..."
(I give her a smirk and one-eyed glance.)
Her: "S-U-K."
Me: GUFFAW!!! "Very funny! I typed the whole thing in!"
She raises her eyebrow at me. "What's so funny?"
Me: "Seriously, funny. I fell for it and typed the whole thing in. What's her name." (Why isn't she laughing? She's good at this game.)
Her: "That IS her name. My mother is Japanese. I'm Japanese. Her name is pronounced "Dung Sook."

Unfortunately the ground did not, in fact, swallow me up like I was praying. I apologized profusely, gave her her items, then rolled around on the floor in stupid agony.

Moral of this story? Be kind to all the Nauseas, Dong Suks, and Colon (sic) Powells because that REALLY is their name. You don't want to look like and ass like me now do you?

Honey Badgers Don't Sleep

Well, at least mine doesn't. Zofia had a new thing where she would cry off and on from 3:45am to 5am and wake herself up by standing up and running off the couch.

Cool.

Then she got up and threw up all over me. This is extra special because vomit is one of the "O's" in my OCD.

In the depths of my despair I sent out a lonely tweet that my "honey badger won't sleep!" and "Dare I move my honey badger to the crib?"

Twitter responded with Honey Badger-bots that sent me this gem:

Another video narrated by Randall. Thank you Twitter. Thank you so hard.



(In case you're wondering "What the F is a honey badger," I talked about it here.)

Here's to sleep filled, vomit free days! Cheers!

I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, of course I'm superstitious.

Blogger was down so I wasn't really planning on writing a post. Then I started seeing all these fun facts about Friday the 13th, which it is and I'm afraid of it, so I'm going to organize them into one helpful post.

First of all, I'm convinced that it was my obsessive compulsive ancestors that started most of these things. Fears of certain dates, thinking random objects or animals have super evil powers, religious rituals, well they all smack of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. So today I salute you my OCD kin. Happy Friday the 13th. I won't be leaving my house.

Friday is an unlucky day and 13 is an unlucky number, put them both together and you have DOOM!

Wikipedia says:

Friday the 13th occurs when the thirteenth day of a month falls on a Friday, which superstition holds to be a day of bad luck. In the Gregorian calendar, this day occurs at least once, but at most three times a year. Any month's 13th day will fall on a Friday if the month starts on a Sunday.

In numerology, the number twelve is considered the number of completeness, as reflected in the twelve months of the year, twelve hours of the clock, twelve tribes of Israel, twelve Apostles of Jesus, twelve gods of Olympus, etc., whereas the number thirteen was considered irregular, transgressing this completeness. There is also a superstition, thought by some to derive from the Last Supper or a Norse myth, that having thirteen people seated at a table will result in the death of one of the diners.
Famous people born on Friday the 13th include Samuel Beckett (13 April 1906), Margaret Thatcher (13 October 1923), Fidel Castro (13 August 1926) and Steve Buscemi (13 December 1957).

Tupac Shakur Died on Friday, September 13, 1996

Many hospitals have no room 13, while airports don't have a Gate 13.

According to Smithsonian Magazine The fear of Friday the 13th costs American a billion dollars per year in absenteeism, train and plane cancellations, and reduced commerce on the 13th of the month. (OCD employees are notoriously unreliable. Just ask my old bosses.)



Have fun, kids.

I'ma make some stuff

A package from Lithuania can only mean one thing...

My Baltic amber beads are here!! Aren't they lovely?

I can't wait to try my hand at jewelry making! Zofia is teething like a mofo, so first order of business is a teething bracelet for her.

I wish I could show all the stuff I'm making right now, but it would ruin the Christmas surprise for some people!

Things I can't do...

I can't sweep the floor because the ladies are sleeping and it would surely wake them.

I can't do laundry because the pile I need is in Zofia's room and she can hear floorboards creak like a mofo.

I can't clear the cobwebs that have formed because I fear the spiders that may be lurking in their depths.

I can't write a better blog post today because some little jerkoff at the store called me "ma'am" and I'm weak and stressed.

Speaking of "weak and stressed" my mom use to work for a large grocery company, and part of her job was reviewing applications and calling people in for interviews. Our long standing favorite was from a gentleman who left his previous job because (and I quote) "my baby mama left me and I was weak and stressed." Hence my use of the term.

Things I can do today:

Make excuses for keeping a dirty house.

Post things like this from The Oatmeal. Click on it. It expresses my fear of spiders in the best way possible.



Huh....

This guy does Elmo's voice. Am I alone in saying, "REALLY?"

Random thought...

If I could have any job in the world, I would be a singer. I don't want to be like a crazy famous singer. (Too much work, tabloid fat pictures, and germy people trying to touch me. Plus, if someone took a picture of Athena I'd react like Sean Penn.) I mean someone that sings and just makes a living. I see the lady that plays the piano and sings at The Real Seafood Co. and I want to be just like her.

So there it is. I want to be an anonymous, meagerly paid restaurant/bar singer. I don't feel that's a reach.... other than the fact I can't play the piano.

Random thoughts - Possibly as deep as Jack Handy

So here's the thing. If you've ever wondered to yourself why my blog sucks, or why my posts are so spotty, it's because I only publish maybe 5% of the things I compose. I either need to shut down the blog and just get a Hello Kitty diary like a good emo kid, or start sharing the random thoughts.

I've chosen to share random thoughts in hope of getting some thoughts back from the brilliant, fab-o people that periodically check in on this thing.

Every day I lay down with Athena for nap time because I'm pregnant and exhausted, and because I can. As I'm laying there I have the most arbitrary thoughts. Who knows where they come from. They just appear.

So here's today's: What does a preschool teacher do when they want to play "The Name Game" and there's a "Chuck" in the class?

And because the more you know:

dolorous
\DOH-luh-ruhs\ , adjective;
1.
Marked by, causing, or expressing grief or sorrow.

5 Random Things

From Two Pretzels post yesterday, here is my list of 5 random things you may not know about me:

1. I have an extra bone in my foot.

2. I'm surprisingly conservative.

3. I don't own socks AT ALL.

4. I HATE jeans.

5. I like old fashioned undergarments. (I don't care for mere strings holding my stuff.)

I love a man with a baby...

I think GOOD dads are just the cutest things ever. I love seeing a man out solo with his baby. Seeing Louis head out with Athena strapped to the front of him when the Bee was teeny made me just burst with pride and love.

MomLogic was talking about a favorite hot daddy Guy Ritchie and I absolutely agree.

Another favorite of mine? Johnny Depp.

Any other favorite hot daddies out there?

It's possible...

... that I just might be one of the least racist people in the world. I was watching Obama talk, and it dawned on me that I don't know that I would have noticed that he was black without it being pointed out... repeatedly. (Please understand that I'm not saying that this isn't an AMAZING time for the black culture. I'm just saying that I just plain don't see people's race first.)

Conversation that got it started:

(Looking at a clothing catalog)

Them: "Wow. That's a change."

Me: "What? Cute kids."

Them: "No, I mean the whole family."

Me: "Yeah, I know. They look like morons all dressed in the same jammies."

Them: (sigh) "No..."

Me: "Ha! I mean, no adult should wear one piece pj's... like adult onesies. The dad looks like a tool all smiley in his... (cut off)

Them: "THEY'RE A BI-RACIAL FAMILY ON THE COVER OF A CATALOG. You wouldn't have seen that back in the day."

Me: "Oh."

And when I was asked if I'd be more afraid of seeing a black guy or a white guy in a dark alley, I answered that I thought it foolish to base a fear purely on the amount of melanin in one's skin... they'd make me equally as uneasy... as they're men... and I'm sexist.

The sound a camel makes is called nuzzing.

(Is that my dad?)

(The real goods are over on http://www.athenaelizabeth.blogspot.com/)

Is Yahoo! a Liar?

Maybe I should believe them as they've never given me reason not to, but I just have a hard time buying that these are the top searches today. Paul Revere?

Today's Top Searches
Amy Smart
Drew Barrymore
Lisa Loeb
UFC 97
Payday Loans
2010 Kia Soul
Test Preparation
Record Stores
Paul Revere
Compost Bins

Marriage Success Predicted by Yearbook Photos?

Marriage success predicted
Want to know if your marriage will survive? There's a big clue in your yearbook photos. » Say cheese!

Who would even come up with the idea that there even COULD be a correlation??

Well, here we are in high school!

Louis

Nadja (center)

Momlogic: Lazy Mom Confessions

Here's mine:

Sometimes I pretend to be holed up in the bathroom on the toilet just so I can sit in there for as long as I want and read a magazine. I mean, who’s gonna bother you on the toilet doing “that”?



I got this from http://www.momlogic.com/


As moms, we have too much to do and not enough time to do it. Here, we confess our sins.
momlogic's Melissa: As a mother, have you ever done something in the privacy of your own home that you'd be horrified if other people knew about? Are you afraid they might think you're dirty, careless, lazy, or worst of all ... a bad mother?
Well, even the best moms in the world have dirty little secrets and lazy moments that we hide from the rest of the world for fear of being judged. And because I am sick of feeling guilty all the time, I decided to find out what they were. If anything, I thought it would make me feel better about not washing my son's hair for weeks on end because I can't deal with the "battle" that ensues each and every time he sees a bottle of shampoo.
In order to protect the identities of the moms involved (and to ensure that social services aren't called -- just kidding), I'm not using any names. When you read what these lazy moms have to say, you'll see why.
Lazy Mom Confession #1: "Sometimes, if my baby poops after dinner, I leave him in his diaper because I know in a matter of 10 to 20 minutes, I will be giving him a bath ... I sometimes leave my baby's sheets on his crib for a week or two longer than I should. It's a pain in the ass to change. I'm also sometimes too lazy to cut and peel grapes for him so I bite them in my mouth and hand them to him instead."
Lazy Mom Confession #2: "I'm not really sure where to start. Sometimes if my child pees in the bed and only a little bit gets on the sheets, I won't change them -- gross! Also, I call my dogs over rather than actually pick up fallen food myself. And last, but not least, I NEVER take my kid to the park -- because I can't stand it. So mean."
Lazy Mom Confession #3: "When cleaning up around the house, I sometimes pick up little objects and stray pieces of paper ...and rather than asking if they belong to anyone, I just toss them in the trash. I usually regret doing this, because invariably, they end up being someone's coveted now-missing item and the blame is mine. I am also frequently too lazy to separate recyclables from basic garbage and end up lumping it all together in basic trash. And lastly, rather than saving dinner leftovers that I know I could recreate into a morning omelet or side dish, I just toss them down the garbage disposal."
Lazy Mom Confession #4: "I don't give kids baths every night ... we do every other.The house is usually a mess unless we're having guests over , because we just don't have time for deep cleaning. The area behind my TV looks like a dust bowl. Can't even begin to deal with that. HORRIBLE!"
Lazy Mom Confession #5: "Sometimes when I don't have enough time to give my 2-year-old a bath, I give her a quick sponge bath with baby wipes."
Are you guilty of being a lazy mom? If so we want to hear from you -- we promise we won't tell.

You know, blankets just don't seem like that much trouble to me

Has anyone else seen the commercial for this hot little item? The look of pure anguish on her face when she has to reach for the phone is hilarious. I'm sitting here thinking, "Wow, this is a highly unnecessary item." Then Louis says "Oooooooh! I want that!!!!"

We are obviously not on the same page.

More Craig's List Fun

This is a job that my mom found for my dad and was laughing so hard she had to send it to me.:

United Association Local is looking for certified pipe welders. Must be able to stick and TIG weld. 6g test will be given to qualified welders. MIG welders need not apply unless you are skilled in stick and TIG on open butt pipe welding in all positions. Drug testing for all jobs. Please call business agent ...

What I'm concerned about:
1. How much time my mom spends on Craig's List either buying chickens or finding pervy stuff.
2. My dad can butt pipe weld.
3. She was in charge of raising me.

Cracked Me Up

It doesn't take much. I like simple humor when I'm this tired.

Clay Aiken announced in People magazine that he's gay.

Also in People magazine: John McCain announced he's old,

and Barack Obama announced he's black.
- Craig Ferguson

Big Sunglasses are the ONLY Way!

So I was reading the Style Icon post of Quiet Oasis about how she finally had to cave and get large sunglasses. I thought to myself, "Yep, it's the only way sister." And then I went to grab mine... THEY ARE MISSING! Went to get the backup HUGE pair, THEY ARE BROKEN! So I had to wear these to go get some new ones and I gotta say, what exactly are they supposed to be blocking out??

They couldn't block a punch from a 90 year old lady! Hey-oh!!!!

So I got these....

And I'm back in business people!

Who do people say YOU look like?

Ever since I was little I have had people tell me that I look like Drew Barrymore. Obviously the body is dead on, but WTF.

Then Katie Holmes burst on the scene, and I've been hearing that I look like her ever since. Yeah, not so much.

Who do you guys get?